After seeing one of my girlfriends recently, she mentioned I should write a blog post about sex after you have your baby. I thought that is a brilliant topic, and with it being Valentine's Day, why not? Let's give it a go.
Ah, I can remember the days like it was yesterday. Waking up at whatever time you wanted because you didn't have an adorable insane person screaming your name in the next room. Rolling over to find your partner looking sexy and then doing whatever you pleased because you could do whatever you damn well pleased.
Fast forward to pregnancy. Because it must be discussed.
I remember reading that because of all the hormones, women tend to become nympho-maniacs when pregnant. Fast forward to me. I was really hoping for this to happen, as I love sex like most, perhaps even more than some, but alas, it did not.
The First Trimester- was just awful. Nauseas all the time, migraines for days. I couldn't even stomach chicken soup, let alone sex. Everything was gross.
Second Trimester- I finally felt like me again, only with a growing belly. I definitely had my energy up and was ready for some fun, but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Just the normal... darn it!
Third Trimester- OMFG! Third Trimester sex is just hilarious, and seriously every couple that continues to have sex during the third trimester should get some sort of badge of honor. Seriously. The tricks, the yoga positions you never thought possible, the kicking from a tiny human that's probably wondering what all the commotion is about. BADGE. OF. HONOR. Kudos to you and your partner if you are keeping it fun during this time because I know, it's no easy feat.
Now comes the real talk. And ladies and gents I'm going to be honest with you, and if you don't want honesty now is your time to stop reading. Seriously, don't do it out of morbid curiosity. Do it to educate yourself and be ready for anything.
Sex after a baby is... tough. We are 14 1/2 months in and it's still tough. It's better, WAY better than it was, but, and this is a big "but," I NEVER expected sex to be like it is. I thought, "Oh hey, I'll just pop out this baby and we'll get right back to it." Not thinking about, oh you know, tearing and then with tearing comes this thing called scar tissue, oh, and if you're breastfeeding, well that also drops your estrogen which causes dryness, oh yeah AND you probably haven't slept a normal night since the baby was born, so you're probably sleep deprived, but you know just hop right back to it! Oh silly ole me.
So after my 8 week check up I was told by my Doctor that we should wait. I asked him for how long? And he honestly didn't really have an answer. He said we can try, that everything has healed but it might not be easy. I thought well surely he doesn't know the power of my determination!
2 weeks later the hubs and I decided it was time to reignite that magic! After about 40 minutes of trying we decided to call it a night. I know what you're thinking 40 minutes? You could have kept trying! No really we couldn't have, because here's what people don't tell you...Scar tissue is a real mother f-er. Seriously, I am a Mother and it has F*@KED me. My husband couldn't even remotely find an entrance to what used to be my vagina. We tried. Then a new day came and we tried again. Then another, then another. I went back to my acupuncturist who told me that my scar tissue needs to heal. Ok... I guess we can give it another month. Nope. I honestly can't even tell you when the exact date was anymore because it took that long.
I asked advice from my Mom, sisters, and friends surely they would have answers. All answers seemed to be the same, LUBE. Lube? That's it? You mean it won't just get easier and go back to the way it was? NOPE. I mean it will but it'll take some time. Ok, how much time? Are we talking days, months, YEARS!? Well that just depends on you. Ugh! I needed an answer and I needed a date where my vagina would be healed and ready for action! Unfortunately, there isn't one. Because every single vagina is different.
After 6 months, I went back to my OB to get checked again. I was told I healed nicely, not sure if that was a compliment for me or for my Doctor. What was he expecting to see? I told my OB how when my hubs and I have sex it still hurts. After getting checked he told me I may need to see a Physical Therapist, but that also, because I was breastfeeding it could be because of that. And the only way we will know is once I stop breastfeeding... Awesome! Breastfeeding is great and most articles out there only speak in the highest regard for breastfeeding your baby, but I do have some qualms about that, but that will be for another day.
I'll leave you with this. It's been 14 1/2 months since our baby girl was born and unfortunately, there's still pain. Again, it's way better than it was but it's not easy like it used to be, where all your working parts worked. Now you have to work to get those parts to work. Does that make sense? I just stopped breastfeeding 2 weeks ago, maybe it'll get easier or maybe this is the new normal? Either way, here's some advice I have for you horny new parents.
TAKE. IT. SLOW.
Take it slower than you ever thought possible. Maybe have a drink to relax you a bit too? Don't drink? That's ok too, there are plenty of teas out there that can work as aphrodisiacs. (Just be sure it's ok to drink if you're breastfeeding) Get good lube. Not the KY sticky crap. Get some silicone based, organic stuff that will feel like the real thing. KY is awful. Tell your partner to be patient and make sure to communicate with one another. It will NOT be fun for either of you if you don't openly communicate. Lastly, don't rush back to the sack. Take your time, explore new lands and when you feel ready, give it a go. But remember, if it doesn't feel right then STOP and try again another day. Oh and remember, you can get pregnant pretty quickly after a baby. So make sure you stay safe, unless you want Irish twins! ;)
Good luck!
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