Hello there, and Happy New Year to you! I'm very excited to have you join me on this journey of being a first time parent. It's exciting, exhausting, and always keeping me on my toes. When I began this new endeavor, I had no idea how much my life was about to change. Perhaps that was the naivety in me? Thinking that as soon as I popped out my baby I would just go right back into my normal daily routine, oh how I wish I could shake the old me to be better prepared. But can you really prepare? Is there a class that you can take before you get pregnant where you are woken at all hours of the night? Let's just say every two hours, and that's me being generous. Where suddenly your boobs leak, your hormones drop, and you have a screaming tiny human that you must try to console even though at times, is just not consolable. No. They would never, ever have a class like that because let's just be honest here, no one would EVER have kids.
I know what you're thinking. What kind of blog is this? That's a great question. This is obviously not a beauty blog, nor is it a fashion blog. You won't see photos of me trying new samples of clothing and reviewing them here. (Unless some awesome fashion line wants to send me free clothes to review, then, however I refute that last statement). No, this blog is more about being a first time Mama and the trials and tribulations I have gone through to get where I am today. This blog will contain 100% honesty, probably some swearing, and definitely over use of commas and run on sentences. But if you can jive with that, then you're already on the right track of being an awesome human.
Since this is my first time blogging, I think it's best to begin my blogging journey at the very moment I became a Mother...
Holy fuck, you guys birth is no joke. Sorry, I told you there would be swearing. And lots of swearing there was when I was giving birth. Ben (the hubs) tried to even shut the door of our hospital room at one point because all I could yell was the word, FUCK. Us women, we are warriors. Seriously. The fact that our body can create human life, then give birth to that life is insane.
When Daisy Wilder Begley was born she was 6 days late. The day before her birthdate my Dr. had checked me and there were absolutely no signs of her coming out. We did however just have a Presidential election that did not go the way we hoped, so I just assumed Daisy wanted to wait four more years til her arrival. The Dr. told me that we would need to talk about inducing at the end of the week. At this point, I'm huge, I feel huge, I look huge, and I am just ready to have my body back. Well, that evening I went and had acupuncture. It was AMAZING. I never had it before but really wish I had during my entire pregnancy. It was euphoric. After my hour and half session, I thanked the Midwife (Yep Midwife/ Acupuncturist) and went home. At 7:40 am, almost exactly 24 hours later, I started feeling cramps. They were very slight and felt way different than those Braxton hicks contractions. I thought nothing of the cramps since I was just checked yesterday and there were no signs of movement. I figured it was nothing and went about my morning. As I bounced on my birthing ball sending work emails, I continued to clock my contractions, After an hour my contractions were all over the place. 21 minutes apart, 12 minutes apart, 20 minutes apart. It was difficult to to see if this was something I should even worry about. Another 45 minutes passed and now my contractions were getting more regular. Again, I thought nothing of it.
My in-laws came into town since they thought our baby was going to already be here, and I told them maybe we should go out on a walk really get things moving. Once we got to the end of the block, I doubled over in pain. Ok, that felt different. I asked my husband what the time was on that one. 5 minutes. Oh boy. I guess we should call the Dr? And we did, but as soon as the nurse answered the phone I doubled over again. I couldn't even get the words out of my mouth before another contraction came. That was 4 minutes. At this point my Mother in law, who is also a nurse, took one look at me and said "I think you need to go to the hospital". Well thank god we did! By the time we checked into the hospital it was 11:30am. Still, at this point my husband and I thought they were going to discharge us, telling us that I'm only 1 centimeter and to come back later... Well, that did not happen. After getting checked by the nurse we found out I was in fact 5 1/2 centimeters dilated! Already half way there!
The few hours I was in labor at the hospital honestly it flew by. I don't know if it was the acupuncture, or all the walking and bouncing I did, but this labor was quick. I took a hot shower, walked around for a bit, but shortly after 12:30pm my contractions were short, SUPER short, I'm talking 1-3 minutes apart. At this point in time, I can barely talk and if anything is coming out of my mouth it's, yes, a swear word. All I wanted was water and all I got were damn ice chips. The last time I was checked I was 7 1/2 centimeters, that was the last time I would let the nurse check me. I did not want anything else going in, all I wanted was this baby to come out.
My goal was always to have a natural labor. No drugs, just natural and free to move around. I read a lot of books about labor and the one thing they always mentioned was "when you feel like you can't take the pain anymore, that's usually when your body is transitioning to 10 centimeters." At this point, I can't remember that. I can't remember my name. So when my husband looks at me with downright fear and asks "You sure you don't want the epidural?" No, of course I'm not sure. I have no clue how long this awful feeling is going to last, so please get me the drugs, get them NOW! Screw natural. What they don't tell you during all these classes is how long it takes for the anesthesiologist to come to you by the time you've made this decision. 45 minutes later, the man finally arrives. The nurse tells me the only way they can even give me the epidural is if I can stay still. So the nurse and my husband help move me to the side of the bed. I swing my legs off the side, and curve my spine so he can give me the good stuff. We wait till another contraction hits and while I'm trying to hold steady my water breaks everywhere. Finally for one fleeting moment, I felt good. The nurse checks it, it's all clear, meaning my baby didn't poop inside of me. (Thank you Daisy!) The anesthesiologist gives me my shot and that is the last time I will ever hear from this man again. Little did I know, this man would be stuck in a C-section while I give birth, naturally. Yep, you read correctly, naturally with a needle in my spine. You see I got the drugs, but the drugs did not last long. Once my water broke, I immediately wanted to start pushing. Sure, I felt some tingling in my legs for maybe 30 minutes maybe an hour tops? But after that, the tingling wore off and I felt every push. Oddly enough, the pushing part felt so much better than those contractions. Sure, there were still contractions during the pushing, but finally I could feel my body doing what it was supposed to being doing and also, what I didn't want it to do.
Yep, I pooped. It was only a little (I think) but I could feel it. I told my husband not to look and we continued on.
I wanted so badly to lay on my side and push but every time I did Daisy's heart rate would drop insanely low. We quickly learned that the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. So alas, I had to push on my back. Another hour of pushing and at this point I've got a whole team in the room with me. My husband feeding me ice chips, a nurse for each leg holding my legs back in stirrups, my doctor in a full head-to-toe hazmat suit, and I think a couple other nurses, but I can't really remember any more what they were doing. Finally, I can tell we are getting close. As my daughter's head exits my body all I can yell is "I feel the ring of fire!" Another quote I read in several books. Side bar: If you decide to go au naturale, or I should say if your body decides to, just know when your baby's head is crowning it will feel like a ring of fire. It will feel both awful and relieving at the same time. But don't worry your brain won't really be able to focus on it too long because at that point you are seconds away from holding your baby and meeting that little mush for the first time.
Here's a fun image of me after just giving birth. I want you to notice that my hair isn't perfect, my face doesn't have makeup on it. This isn't what you would call a "pinterest perfect photo" and that's ok, because this is was Motherhood really looks like.
When Daisy was born she is quiet. No screaming, no noise, nothing. But when the nurse tells my husband to look I know it must all be ok. Little did my poor husband know that when babies are born they are not these perfectly sun kissed babies. No, they are purple, red, sometimes creamy and really white, sometimes really gooey and almost ALWAYS bloody. Daisy was purple, and it of course scared the shit out of Ben. But the second the nurse wiped the blood off Miss Daisy and laid her on my chest we knew she was perfect.
Unfortunately, I can not say the same thing about my Vagina. The poor ole girl. She worked so hard, but having a baby within 8 hours that weighed 8 POUNDS 4 OUNCES, and also needed suction, did not end well. I mean don't get me wrong, EVERYTHING IS A-OK NOW. I still have a working Vagina. I just mean right after giving birth, my lady bits needed A LOT of TLC. An hour of TLC that is. As my husband got to bond with our new baby, I got to endure an hour of getting stitched up. Remember when I asked what happened to the Anesthesiologist? Yep, he was still in that C-section. Then I asked for some localized anesthetics. Nope, that wasn't possible. The only thing I was offered was a sedative. I asked the nurse if there would be any side effects she said I would probably feel buzzed, maybe drowsy. I then looked at her and said no. I'll never forget the look on that nurses face when I declined the drugs. But in my head, all I could think was that I wanted to hold my baby for the first time not feeling high from a pill, I wanted my natural high. And hell, I just gave birth naturally, why would I take the drugs after all that? So yes, after an hour of stitches I finally got to hold my little one.
Everything else in that day seems like a blur. I remember being wheeled to my room, but it wasn't an actual wheel chair I was in, it was this really strange, almost like a bicycle I was sitting on. I remember forgetting to pee after 5 hours and the nurses were really worried because I bled everywhere. Word of advice, drink a lot of water and pee even more. Peeing is super scary after you give birth but DO NOT let it build up in your bladder. Little did I know that when you don't pee the urine in your bladder will push on your Uterus making you bleed more. Don't do it. I also remember the nurses being super saints. These nurses have to sit and watch everything you do in the bathroom. They take care of you like you've never been taken care of before. I wanted to bring one home but unfortunately, you can't. I also remember not sleeping. They check you and your baby every hour, so right when you're falling asleep you wake up again. I remember my baby and I cuddling and bonding. I remember nursing her for the first time. I remember watching my husband become a wonderful Father instantly. I remember my parents and in-laws both meeting Daisy. I pretty much remember ALL THE GOOD during those first 48 hours. What I'm trying to make clear, is that yes there was a lot of pain, blood, sweat, tears, and (a little) poop, but even after all that all I can take away from those moments are fond memories.
So if you're reading this, preparing for the birth of your child, don't let my story scare you. Let my story encourage you. Remember it's ok to have a birthing plan, but allow the birth plan to have room for change, in the end you'll be happier because you won't be disappointed that your plans changed. (Most plans do)
We woman are warriors and honestly there is nothing at all in the entire universe that will ever compare to giving birth whether it's natural, with drugs, or a c-section.
Thanks for reading!
XO
What's your birth story? Comment below and share away!
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